It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times, and now the Wooden Spooners have cast their eye over the weekend of rugby league that was with the NRL Round 15 Weekend Headlines.
Going beyond the scores, the NRL Round 15 Weekend Headlines gives the extra insight in the NRL that only the Wooden Spooners can.
All reports are unconfirmed and please contact our legal team or Buzz Rothfield aka Hans Moleman for complaints.
SWEET HOME MELBOURNE STORM
After obliterating the Wests Tigers, the Melbourne Storm have opted to stay on the Sunshine Coast for the rest of 2021, and will play all finals games at Lang Park.
It makes sense, as they’ve won eight straight games at Sunshine Coast since 2020, and haven’t lost at Lang Park since 1883.
To commemorate the move, the Storm will be rebranded the ‘Sunshine Coast Storm’ for the rest of 2021, with a decision on their home in 2022 to be made after they win/lose the grand final to Penrith.
“We’re quite happy up here. The fans love us, we’re winning games, and the boys are enjoying the heat; they can walk around shirtless in the middle of June and show off their rigs,” said Storm coach Craig Bellamy. “Let’s be honest, 95% of Victorians don’t give a crap about ‘rugby’ anyway.”
RAIDERS FANS’ REALITY CHECK
After watching the Green Machine sail to a comfortable win over Brisbane in round 14, Raiders fans were thinking a late finals charge was still on, with a more balanced side and a break from the constant off-field drama.
Then, the Raiders reverted to their same old crappiness in round 15, twice sacrificing a 12-point lead against the St George Illawarra Dragons. Canberra’s habit of sacrificing double-digit leads is now more reliable than Channel Nein’s constant reruns of Big Bang Theory or Two and a Half Men.
If nothing else, it showed that beating the Broncos is easier than beating the bye.
A long-suffering Canberra fan (who wished to remain anonymous due to embarrassment) blames himself for getting his hopes up. “Maybe this is a good thing. With the finals all but gone now, Sticky can focus on auditioning the NSW Cup kids for next year and start to clean out the deadwood. It’s like 2017/2018 all over again, or most seasons from 1998 to 2015.”
THE TIGERS’ CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING
Facing another likely bottom four finish in 2021, the Wests Tigers have decided to ‘consciously uncouple.’
From 2022, the Balmain Tigers and Western Suburbs Magpies will return as stand alone entities.
While it will increase the traffic jam of teams in suburban Sydney, they surely can’t do worse that the Wests Tigers, who haven’t made the finals for a decade.
A move to Western Australia was squashed when a survey of Perth rugby league fans revealed that 99% of people polled wouldn’t pay to watch the Wests Tigers.
BRONCOS RECREATING MEXICAN STANDOFF SCENE FROM THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY AS THE BLOODLETTING COMMENCES
Artist’s Impression
Much like a drugs syndicate cleaning house in shows like The Wire, the Broncos started reducing their numbers straight away after the 46-0 drubbing at home to the Rabbitohs.
First Matt Lodge has apparently been told for the 50th time in two seasons that he can look elsewhere.
Tevita Pangai looked distraught after the loss – when he was interviewed on Thursday night – that he was out of the Broncos too. His on-sale value has dropped slightly with potential suspensions after the game. Perhaps it was the end of his Broncos career that made him sad or the thought of having new find a new barber shop to visit?
The boardroom was next, as hopefully the people who let Reece Walsh go and the absurd offer to Nicho Hynes were shown the door.
It’s a given at least one of the halves will go again, probably both.
Soon it will be assistant coaches, then the mascot, maybe even Buck the Bronco (who runs around the outside of the field when the Broncos score)? The horse is looking decidedly out of shape in 2021.
Then there’s talk of player unrest and problems with Kevin Walters. And you know how syndicates usually go when people are threatening to squeal.
This could get ugly. Good for non-Broncos fans, Bad for Broncos fans, and Ugly for Queensland rugby league in general. Get it? Good, Bad, Ugly.
NSW BLUES TO BOOK THE GOLD COAST TITANS FOR OPPOSED TRAINING SESSION IN LEAD UP TO ORIGIN TWO
With the NSW Blues heading to South East Queensland to take back to Origin trophy at The Cauldron they are looking towards local SEQ-based teams for opposed training.
After seeing Tom Trbojevic and his Manly team destroy the Gold Coast Titans in the second half on Sunday, we have heard whispers that NSW management have contacted the Gold Coast Titans to provide an opposed training run in the days leading up to the second State of Origin match.
The Titans’ second half efforts are the perfect training opposition to try out some new attacking moves for Origin Two, and without the chance of those attacking plays being ruined by tackling or getting potential injuries.
And the Titans seemed to bring the best out of Game One hero Trbojevic, which is a worry for Queensland going into Game Two as they look to the Queensland Cup for players or rookies to fill the gaps in performance and injury.
NRL BUNKER SET TO DECIDE ON THE LENGTH OF THE SIN BIN FOR HIGH TACKLES TO ADD MORE COMPLEXITY TO AN ALREADY OVERLY COMPLICATED SYSTEM
After another tremendous weekend of questionable sin binnings, the NRL are reported to be doubling down on the confusion and letting the Bunker decide the length of time players will spend from the field.
Tackles will be quickly graded from 1-10 and that will then translate into the amount of time off the field, with one minute per grade.
It is thought that this may placate fans with the sin bins if their players are only off the field for a minute for the tackles which are obvious accidents. But also keeps in line with the crackdown on high contact.
Reports of an NRL staffer buying a chocolate wheel for an alternative form of assigning minutes from the field are unconfirmed. But buying a small meat tray in the same shopping trip probably means the purchases are related to non-NRL purposes. Although if both were to be included in the sin bin revamp it would be excellent.
QLD PREMIER HOPING FOR 12 MORE COVID CASES IN SYDNEY
After the 50-6 flogging Queensland took in the first State of Origin fixtures, the Maroons hierarchy have been struggling to find a team and/or ways to beat the Blues for Game Two.
Step up Coronavirus and the State Government.
With the Queensland Government seemingly open to proving sports is above all else when it comes to Coronavirus policy, the Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has secretly got some legislation passed that will ban the NSW Blues from entering Queensland if the current Sydney cluster exceeds a 20-player squad.
This means that game two would be a forfeit, which would level the series.
In an even more inspired move, the QLD Premier would then also have the NRL declare Sydney an unplayable hotspot and steal the third State of Origin too.
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