GURGLER MAIN EVENTS – Michael Slater v David Warner Super Fight

By now a lot of Australian have caught up with the news that there was a report of a fight breaking out between Michael Slater v David Warner. Like the opinions of these two, many Australians don’t actually care if there was a fight or not. Or that’s what they want you to think.

Everyone is secretly interested, and many want to see more, which is where Gurgler Main Events comes in….

While they may have been denying the fight  to everyone, we are aware that they are lining up to sort it out once and for all, by using the best rugby league system possible for retired rugby league players – the boxing ring.

Gurgler Main Events is proud to have won the exclusive rights to the Michael Slater v David Warner. This mega bout along with side great undercards for the ultimate night at home.

It will be Australia’s biggest ever fight night and not a Mundine or Zohs in sight.

So enjoy and look out for the signs on the road and online for the Michael Slater v David Warner fight.

MAIN EVENT – Michael Slater v David Warner

We’re calling it a Jerk Off, given that it is two people who have featured and won regularly in our Jerk of the Month polls.

From memory David Warner won a Jerk of the Year.

But really, could there be two more hated people in Australian cricket than these two, so who wouldn’t want to see them tearing into each other.

Michael Slater is probably the more punchable after his diatribes towards the government about travel from India. Taking the money to go to place where the risk of being caught there was high. Talking about blood on his hands and people dying in the street. He was so concerned he left as quickly as possible to the torture of the Maldives before he has to come and self-quarantine. 

Where’s Slater helping on the streets of India if he’s so concerned. Where’s Slater offering anything to the Indian people. Oh that’s right, he’s in the Maldives by the pool.

And don’t worry, Slater has blood on his hands. The giant big Bloody Mary he’s sipping while lying on one of those giant inflatable flamingos like the jerk he is.

Unlike the people still stuck in India. Unlike the people who got mercy flights and have to quarantine away from home in the Northern Territory.

Slater being as outspoken and unlikeable as ever, and unfortunately it looks like only Warner will get to jab him in the face.

David Warner has always been a jerk, and has a history of being a bit punchy in pubs, so the news from the Maldives wouldn’t surprise us if it were true.

We guess there’s still plenty of dislike towards him after the ball tampering saga.

But that’s what makes our main event such a beauty, you have two thoroughly unlikable pugilists not just the one-sided nearly everyone seems to dislike Anthony Mundine that have dominated Australian boxing for a few decades.

UNDERCARD 1 – ROYAL RUMBLE

There’s been so much tension between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle and the rest of the Royal Family, and way too much on it in media everywhere.

But since it’s looks unlikely the world will be able to escape it, let the Gurgler Main Events turn it into entertainment.

Instead of having tell-all moans on some show hosted by Oprah, or range of accusations and counter accusations leaked to the press, why not have this sorted out once and for all.

That’s right, no tit-for-tat in the press, it’s gloves on in the ring, for anyone who wants to settle the petty difference. Kate can sort it out with Meghan, William and Charles v Harry in a tag team, and so much more.

Perhaps that Australian who claims to be a Charles love child could throw his hat in the ring for the Royal Rumble too.

As long as they all agree to a non-moaning period of six months after the Royal Rumble ends.

UNDERCARD 2 – BUZZ ROTHFIELD V RUGBY LEAGUE

Phil “Buzz” Rothfield is a grumpy old being, who has reported on rugby league since it was called Harpastum yet it still doesn’t seem that he likes rugby league at all.

So we’re not quite sure how this bout works out, perhaps fans of rugby league (so detractors of Buzz at the same time) are allowed to throw Rugby League Weeks at him fro the audience or one fan per round is allowed to battle him, using a rolled up Big League mag.

UNDERCARD 3 – KAREN v KAREN

No one has epitomised ignorance during Australian Coronavirus lockdowns than the Karen who abused Bunnings staff.

Never before have so may known things like Human Rights charter. Nor American politics. Nor lots of stuff.

So this Karen v Karen is simple. 

We’ll get those who have pre-subscribed to our David Warner v Michael Slater for the reduced price to nominate the most ignorant “Karen” they know from some kind of social media.

The top ten nominations will all face off in the Karen v Karen battle royale with the last one standing getting their mobile phone back.

No doubt to let the world know something really important or thought cleansing.