The big day of voting is less than two weeks away, and like any major sporting event, we have our 2019 Federal Election preview – Meh-Lection 2019.
Why Meh-Lection 2019 as a name for an 2019 Federal Election preview? Well because this election features more Meh when it comes to the main parties and their prospective Prime Ministers.
It seems one party is on the nose due to leadership chances, and the buffoons who initiated that are still part of the party, and the other party has a leader that is strangely unlikable.
The only people threatening to make this interesting are the candidates who have been forced to resign due to social media “misinterpretations”.
As with anything that we do, we have a 2019 Federal Election Preview which doesn’t dare to go into too much depth, as the very few people who come through here don’t have the time for that, so for better Mr Green and his team have already done a far superior job with their ABC preview.
Sadly our electoral system means someone has to win this thing, so may the slightly more deserving winner of the Meh-Lection 2019 at least try to make it interesting.
Here now is Meh-Lection 2019 our Who Cares Federal Election preview.
But before we get into the gold, here is some stuff we prepared earlier.
SOME THINGS WE PREPARED EARLIER…
PERSONALITY QUIZ TO FIND YOU POLITICAL PARTY. Don’t know who to vote for? Like the ABC’s voting Compass, but more for the modern person. Take the test today or now.
BEST ABETZ – A guide to Election Betting
LYNE BALL – 2019 Election night tipping competition.
ELECTION NIGHT BINGO – Cross off the quintessential buzzwords and crazy appearance before the night is out. Get your Bingo Card today.
GREAT RUGBY LEAGUE POLITICAL CONVERTS – A look back at the best and blurst of rugby league players heading into politics.
#DICKPICK – Can you see Oxley MP Milton Dick anywhere around town? Why not take a snapshot and add them to our social media pages at Facebook or Twitter.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – TOP FIVE ELECTION NIGHT PUNDITS
- Antony Green – the ABC guru
- Antony Green – see above
- Antony Green – the Authority on election night.
- Laurie Oakes – sadly you have to sit through Channel Nein to get him. And his work with the Sportsbet tie colour bet in 2016 proves he is more than just a political reporting expert. But only just.
- Michael Kroger – that Liberal party honcho who appears across Election night. If it becomes a coalition bloodbath, his demeanour change is worth the admission price.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – TOP FIVE INTERESTING ELECTORATES
They will probably be in high rotation during the Election coverage anyway, but here are our top five anyway.
EDEN MONARO (NSW)
Sadly no longer the bell weather seat it has been for decades, but it is still la great name for a seat, and the sitting MP has Canberra’s finest moustache.
Odds: ALP $1.05 LNP $8.00 IND $12.00
DICKSON (QLD)
The people of the northern outskirts of Brisbane have the wonderful and exclusive opportunity to get rid of Peter Dutton from politics. For any number of reasons over his time in Canberra. Taking the dick out of Dickson. Dutton fell just short of our Jerk of the Month win for April for comments about his opponent.
Odds: ALP $1.60 LNP $2.30 GRN $31
WARRINGAH (NSW)
Ditto for the people of NSW who can finally get rid of Tony Abbott out of politics. Although, even if defeated, you can see him with an eponymous hour of dross and less on Sky News come June. The fact that he is up against someone (who amongst other good things) was a successful Winter Olympian. One wonders when Steve Bradbury or Chumpy Pullen will run for the Senate.
Odds: LNP $1.82 IND $1.95 GRN $41 ALP $51
CORANGAMITE (VIC)
Selected partly for a great name, and partly because it is of the country’s most marginal seats after redistribution. ABC’s Election Guide putting the margin at 0.03%. The name comes from a local aboriginal word for Lake Corangamite meaning bitter water. In a nice touch the lake from which the seat is named after is no longer in the seat itself. Another point of mild interest is the candidate Simon Northeast, only because we guess you would class this seat as South-West Victoria, which make anyone with a name of Northeast unfit to represent the people.
Odds: ALP $1.42 LNP $2.65 GRN $26
QUEENSLAND SENATE
No other electorate produces such diversity than the Queensland Senate. This year you could get a Fraser Anning, Clive Palmer, and lord knows whoever for One Nation. Or could someone get through with fewer votes than the 19 that Anning personally collected at the last election.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – BEST OBSCURE SENATE PARTIES
With the Senate voting so bloody long, we offer up a list of the more obscure Senate parties for you to consider for the 2019 Federal Election. Remember you have to vote for six parties above the line in the Senate, so please consider giving your first vote to an obscure party to give them a boost. You can put your favourite big name party in the top six where the vote will eventually go.
We could go into more details, but we’d surprised if anyone is still here reading at this stage of our Meh-Lection 2019 rubbish.
PIRATE PARTY – All about freedom of information and Civil and Digital liberties.
LOVE AUSTRALIA OR LEAVE PARTY – About selling assets and job creation and the obvious about loving Australia or leaving.
REPUBLICAN PARTY OF AUSTRALIA – First thought is that Donald Trump is branching out into Australia. Bit since we already have way too many of those already, the Republican Party is about getting rid of the monarchy. Will win as much as their 1998 attempt to change the constitution.
SMALL BUSINESS PARTY – All about Small Business funnily enough. They have plenty of good points.
GREAT AUSTRALIAN PARTY – Another right-wing party started by a former One Nation member.
THE TOGETHER PARTY – Wants to be a constructive force for positive social change. Which because of the lack of nutbags will get bugger all votes.
AFFORDABLE HOUSE PARTY – Campaigning for the improved affordability of Housing. One wonders if they win a seat whether they can afford the rent on it.
SCIENCE PARTY – Even more interesting and better for the people as above, so even less chance of winning anything.
YELLOW VEST PARTY – If you were wondering where the Australian Liberty Alliance has gone, this is their new name.
Involuntary Medication Objectors (Vaccination/Fluoride) Party – Everyone has an opinion, and a party.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – TOP FIVE INTERESTING HOUSE OF REPS CANDIDATES
Here’s our list of the candidates who will likely entertain up to and during the Election night. nd have probably cleaned up their social media account in advance of running.
ZALI STEGGALL (IND) WARRINGAH (NSW)
She may be reported as former Winter Olympian as much as a certain ALP man is a former powerbroker, but Steggall has much more slightly less interesting stuff. Interesting has been her battle with Tony Abbott, and the other one on social media with an ex.
GEORGE CHRISTENSEN (LNP) DAWSON (QLD)
Big George is interesting if nothing else, and his parody song is worth a listen.
GREG DOWLING (UAP) HERBERT (QLD)
The former Australian and Queensland rugby league prop was known as Dish-head, and was most famous for catching a ball off the crossbar in the pouring rain of an SCG Origin clash, and fighting a Kiwi counterpart on the sideline after being sent to the sin bin for the same. Now he’s running under Clive Palmer’s wing for the north Queensland seat of Herbert. We are waiting on Sam Backo, Scott Minto, Dale Shearer, and Steele Retchless to join in next election. Pleas note: the David Gillespie – MP for Lyne has no connection with Cement.
BARNABY JOYCE (NAT) NEW ENGLAND (NSW)
Despite what has happened to the red faced maverick of the north coast of NSW since the last election, he will probably extend his margin as their rep.
BOB KATTER (KAP) KENNEDY (QLD)
Even more maverick than Joyce, but more entertaining.Will hopefully get a little airtime on the Election night. Is hopefully still concerned about crocodiles as someone has to be.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – TOP FIVE INTERESTING SENATE CANDIDATES
HETTY JOHNSON (QLD)
A woman of substance who would actually be an outstqanding representative for Queensland. Is responsible for some of the good work by the Bravehearts charity.
FRASER ANNING (QLD)
Far less substance, and probably direct votes comes our Jerk of the Month for March and April 2019. Now he has his own party which will see him get more than 19 votes this time around. Although the ignorant market share is stretched by choice.
JACQUI LAMBIE (TAS)
Kicked out of the Senate for the Dual Citizenship saga, and seems super keen on a return. Good chance in Tasmania too.
DERRYN HINCH (VIC)
The Human Headline is back up for election with his Justice party. Possibly not the worst celebrity politician there has ever been. But interesting to see if he can get back in.
ROD CULLETON (WA)
Lost his Senate seat for going bankrupt, and refers to himself as a Senator in exile. Created the Great Australian Party for himself and a few others to take WA by storm.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – HOUSE OF REPS CANDIDATES WITH GREAT NAMES
Time to drop down a level to juvenile and select some of the more interesting sounding names of candidates for the upcoming election. This one is for the House of Reps.
Zac Beers (ALP) Flynn QLD
Sam Blackadder (GRN) Herbert QLD
Ed Cocks (LNP) Bean ACT
Milton Dick (ALP) Oxley QLD
Ian Goodenough (LNP) Moore WA – imagine the headlines no matter which way it goes.
MEH-LECTION 2019 – SENATE CANDIDATES WITH GREAT NAMES
More of the same for the Senate too.
Joy Angel (SAP) ACT
Jordon John Steele (GRN) WA
Major Moogy Sumner (GRN) SA
Alfred Informal (HEMP) Tas
Max Dicks (IND) Vic
MEH-LECTION 2019 – TOP FIVE OFFENSIVE CANDIDATE QUITTING REASONS
Many, many candidates haven’t even got this far in the 2019 Federal Election, and the below are the pick of the litter from the naughty chair.
- Tasmanian Liberal candidate Jessica Whelan for her anti Muslim comments on social media.
- Former Victorian Liberal candidate Peter Killin will now be killin more time elsewhere after resigning after anti Gay comments.
- Labor NT Senate candidate Wayne Kurnorth for the interesting Quinella of anti-Semitic conspiracy theory and an Islamic State-themed meme.
- Luke Cressey resigned from representing ALP in Victoria due to jokes on social media about rape.
- Steve Dickson is now out of the running for One Nation after video emerged of a good time at a Strip club in the US.
There’s plenty more, and no doubt more to come before it is all decided. Social Media doing the tidying up work of potential political jerks,also giving us all a reminder of the bite a bad social media can be.
Special mention for Brendan Bunyan, who hasn’t resigned or been dropped for his work. As soon as Hitler is referenced it is not going to end well. But the Katter representative hopeful has also been banned from Amateur rugby with a Doping ban.
