After a summer of way too much Stefanovic, and Breakfast TV in general in the news, the new Today Show format has been launched, and been met with some of the lowest ratings in years.
We are nothing if not helpful here at The Gurgler, so as ever we are on hand to provide some advice on potential improvements to the new Today Show format. Bringing back entertainment to the early morning slot, rather than fake camaraderie, forced laughter, and weather people barely being able to hide the sponsored content of their live cross. Only in Sydney of course. It is Channel Nein.
So in another of our series of The Gurgler Fixes….. we have a list of entertaining new addition for a real new Today Show format that could work.
TURN THE TODAY SHOW INTO SLOW TV
Some could argue that the new Today Show format is already a very similar feel to Slow TV, which is becoming a cult hit on SBS, so why not turn breakfast TV into a peaceful journey for three hours on a cruise, or a train somewhere, with just the audio of the news, sport and weather interrupting the silence of the slow TV journey.
MORE CREATIVE WAYS TO COPY THE CASH COW
There are very few people in Australian Entertainment with more charisma than Sunrise’s Cash Cow, so the new Today Show format is already up against it, and their previous efforts like Block O Cash stink of lack of idea and cross promote.
Time to be different. And entertaining.
Perhaps instead of just making a phone call that no one answers, the Today Show could announce that their Cash Machine (the one that blows all the notes around a tube,) will be on a certain street at a certain time, and only the first 10 people with the correct password on screen can enter. Think of the entertainment as the desperate people snatch at flying mustards and lobsters.
Or you could do it weekly and draw up a grid on one of the beaches in Sydney, and people ring in to try to claim a grid all week. Then every Friday, a qualified sky diver holding a briefcase O cash with drop from the sky and hopefully lands in one of the grid squares. If they don’t – Jackpot.
CLIVE PALMER RANT SECTION
We presume it is no longer done, but the old Alan Jones rant segment provided some entertainment back in the day. So why not bring that back with someone new.
Rather than having two “Social Commentators” debating some topical rubbish for five minutes, bring in a heavy hitter, full of controversy for a shot, sharp two and a half minute rant.
And who better than Clive Palmer to provide the entertainment.
OR A NICK KYRGIOS / BERNARD TOMIC RANT SECTION
As above except replace them with Tennis Jerks Kyrgios and Tomic.
Problem is, it would probably only probably last 20 seconds, and the last 15 of that would be both saying they don’t care anyway, but what TV.
HOROSCOPES
We can sort of remember the old Horoscopes on morning TV, usually in the Bert Newton shift, so why not bring that back.
Heading off into the ad breaks with some soothing music and soothing reassurance that your day as a Capricorn will be OK, is rating gold waiting to happen.
With social media killing the Horoscope industry, they need all the help they can get.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Following on from the vital life advice that Horoscopes deliver, why not have a relationship advice segment where people write, fax, email and tweet their questions to a relationship expert.
This opens up for plenty of cross promote, as they could bring in the same actors pretending to be experts from MAFS (the worst show on earth) to hand out the advice to people in genuine need of relationship advice, nd who are 10 times less awful than the people on MAFS.
SHOOT RICHARD WILKINS OUT OF A CANNON….WEEKLY
Since the man who is a Today Show institution is being the Daryl Kerrigan of the new Today Show format, the Channel Nein bosses should create a segment where every Friday they fire Richard out of a cannon at various locations around Sydney.
Not only would the fan love it, but it also might hasten his resignation.
WEEKLY MAN v FOOD SEGMENTS
People love eating competitions. Fact.
So instead of the weather person doing a quaint cross to some place in Sydney, why not hijack that once a week for an eating contest.
Better still, see what Adam Richman from Man v Food is up to and offer him the weather person job.
SPORTS BETTING ON THE NEWS
The big missing market on breakfast TV and the new Today Show format is that nothing is aimed at younger men.
Another fact in addition to the one where people love eating competitions, many younger men like to have a bet. On lots of things.
So why not involve a sports betting company into the new Today Show format.
Company X (basically anyone that doesn’t involve Tom Waterhouse) will sit on the news desk, and once the half hourly bulletin is over they list some odds of potential outcomes of the news, with specially created markets and prices for Today Show viewers only.
Surely this will bring in the younger, cashed-up audience that is rating and advertising gold.
