Talk of the Formula 1 off season has been mostly about the New US F1 Owners Changes that have been made.
Gone are Grid Girls, and against our advice of ways they could have replaced grid girls, they have chosen to use “Grid Kids”.
Also announced last week was the moving back of start times of the Grands Prix in 2018 to suit American audiences more. Great for them, also great for Europe who can now have another hour and ten minutes of Pints under their belts after lunch now.
The move confirmed that the Asian/Australian market is no longer important, as this pushes back an already loyalty stretching start time into the daytime job performance danger area. Not that 11:10pm and beyond isn’t a great time to watch a Grand Prix, giving yourself silent solo high fives as Vettel stuffs it into a wall, or muting cheers when Ricciardo somehow wins the Azerbaijan Grand Prix so not to wake kids and partners up.
So now the choice is to stay up and looks like the Office drug addict, a condition only usually acceptable during the Football World Cup, Olympics or if an Australian goes on a good run at Wimbledon. Or watch it on replay, and try and avoid news reports and office banter. Not too hard a battle in Oz.
With the recent New US F1 Owners Changes looking like the start of many, we don our visionary cap to see if we can guess what the next New US F1 Owners Changes will be in the near future.
GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES
The infamous starting call for US motorsports will surely become an F1 regular in the not too distant future. And given the worldwide exposure of F1, the potential plethora of “superstar celebrities” lining up to do the job would be huge.
NEW F1 DRIVER NAMES FOR US F1 AUDIENCE
Given most of the grid have long and complicated names, and unlike Max Walker wanting to extend the name of Graeme Labrooy on the 12th Man back in the day, F1 will need to dumb down the mostly European soudning names for the broader casual F1 fan in the US.
Below is the list of changes that will be required before the Australian Grand Prix, if not by changing via deed poll, at least have them in regular conversations.
Lewis Hamilton = Isn’t he the ex Boyfriend of one of the Pussycat Dolls
Sebatian Vettel = Stevie V
Max Verstappen = Mad Max
Daniel Ricciardo = Danny Rick
Kimi Raikkonen = Kenny Ray
Valtteri Bottas = Val Bott 2000
Other Drivers = Not required to change names since they are very unlikely to win a race, hence are not needed to be identified by casual US F1 fan.
MORE US GRANDS PRIX + A TRACK THAT HAS A RING TO IT
The calendar currently sits at 21 for the 2018 season, and while the new F1 owners should be commended for not abandoning European races, and in fact bringing some back like Germany and France, it surely won’t be long before the F1 circus finds itself with a few more GPs in the United States.
There is room for four more races under the planned 25 in the future by the new owners, and there has been talk of Las Vegas, Long Beach, Miami. It doesn’t matter where they are, or how bad the street track is, it will happen. Just a matter of where/when.
For the record we say the following GPs to be added.
Las Vegas – has to incorporate the Strip, otherwise it will be showcasing the arse
Road America – one of the best tracks in the world, in need of an F1 test.
San Francisco – To incorporate the Golden Gate Bridge or that downhil weaving road.
Baltimore – After enjoying The Wire very much, we would love to see the glamour of F1 take a turn through Lafayette Street and beyond.
But with the popularity on NASCAR racing, why not do something completely different and not only race on an oval, but race on an oval at the same time as the NASCAR.
Once and for all we can see which car is the best.
Or if that is not safe enough, create a second ring on the inside of the track and have two duelling races side by side. Talk about maximum for your entertainment dollar.
MORE CELEBRITIES
There’s nothing the owners of F1 (new and old) love more than a celebrity at an F1 Grand Prix, the opposite could be said of general F1 fans who tire of the flashes of these slightly interested big names during races, or clogging up decent interview time on gridwalks or in the paddock.
A REALITY SHOW TO FIND A NEW US F1 DRIVER
The lack of a US F1 driver must be something the New US F1 owners would love to change.
Now that Reality TV is firmly entrenched in the average person’s way of life, why not have a Reality Show, where a number of US born (must be US born in the new Trump era) battle it out for a driver role in a midfield team for the 2019 season.
To add extra spice, why shouldn’t the new US F1 owners insist that the position for the new US F1 driver will be taken from the team who finish last in the Constructor’s Championship.
Imagine the excitement at the back of the grid as teams try to avoid having one less say in their driver line up for the following season.
Perhaps you could get the Big Man famous for firing people involved in the process.
ADOPT AN F1 TEAM / DRIVER
Since there are currently no drivers in F1, all team and drivers will be forced to create a sister state arrangement with one of the number of US States.
This means someone sitting at home in Ohio, Nebraska or North but not South Carolina will know who their default team/driver is to cheer for as the state’s flag will be large somewhere on the car, as stated by the new US F1 owners.
A FANCY NEW STYLISED LOGO
OK. They have already done this one. And isn’t it a ripper…..Could be one of the great moments in sporting logos.
