A new year is already flying by, and once again it is time to sort out the Jerk of the Month for January 2018.
All the excitement of the 2017 Final Jerk of the Year poll has died down now, with the triple dead heat of Jarryd Hayne, Donald Trump and Ber-nard Tomic taking the honours. There’s every chance all of those people will find themselves nominated again this year too.
For once, Nick Kyrgios hasn’t done anything warranting a Jerk of the Month nomination, as he is sailing dangerously close to being respected by Australians everywhere. Someone involved in his game did though, as did fellow Tennis Jerk Bernard “Get My Millions Out of Here I’m A Turd” Tomic.
Those nominations and more are awaiting your read below, and vote for the January 2018 Jerk of the Month.
CHANNEL NEIN CRICKET COMMENTARY TEAM
2016 Overall Winners of Jerk of the Year have an early nomination for their continued excellence at making cricket so unwatchable that long time cricket fans are turning off cricket completely. Only an Ashes Test series saved them this year.
Solid job boys. Your self absorbed handjob factory continues to soar to new heights. Adding Kevin Pietersen to amp up the usual was a master-stroke too. Pardon the pun.
Jerks.
JAMIE ZHU – “INTERNET PRANKSTER”
You know when you’ve been to a Nick Kyrgios match, been escorted out and been the biggest jerk on show, you know you’re at a level of Jerk that demands a place among the January 2018 Jerk of the Month nominations.
The man who gives himself the title of social media ‘entertainer’ – according to this article – thought it was be great to stop the game with sex noises, and said it is the greatest thing he has ever done. We salute his setting of the lowest bar possible and achieving a life goal. His reward? A Jerk of the Month nomination.
CRISTIANO RONALDO
Very often, the very best sports people in the world come across as arrogant, and sometimes they need to be to get to the very top of their profession.
There are not many better sportspeople in the world than Ronaldo, especially within Football. But there are not many, if any, or too many, that come across as bigger jerk than Real Madrid’s big man.
The sulk/pout to minutes played ratio is close to unbeatable in any sport, but it is something you can absorb when winning. Unfortunately his team aren’t, and he is coming across as a bigger Jerk than usual. He started the season off with a massive ban with a confrontation with a referee, and has not done a lot since.
DAVID AND LOUISE TURPIN
The wonderful parents who kept their many children prisoner for over a decade barely qualify for Jerks of the Month, but since there is no C*** of the Month to be won, they will have to find a home here.
The only thing that isn’t disturbing about the whole thing is the tremendous bowl haircut of the father. Should be a hit in prison.
BER-NARD TOMIC
Ber-nard Tomic has been up to his usual this month. Pretending to be a tennis player, mouthing off arrogantly about how rich he is. In general being a Tennis Jerk. Which is why the 2017 Joint Winner of Jerk of the Year is back for more in January.
Not resting on that annual award, he looks determined to double down in 2018. We can only hope he is on the Celebrity show on Channel 10, as more monthly nominations will surely follow, given his hatred for life in general without the pressures of that TV show.
SALIM MEHAJER
The man who soaked up much soft turd news time on A Current Affair with his outlandish wedding and behaviour as a Deputy Mayor of something or other is now behind bars according to this article.
Not nice to kick someone while they’re down, but really should have been nominated well before now.
READER’S CHOICE
Each month we we select the best Jerk of the Month nominations received from our readers. Happily the decision of the best was made easy with just the one nomination this month.
If you feel like nominating anytime, including nominating us, please get in touch via contact@thegurgler.com
RAFAEL NADAL
Our reader Keith, nominated Rafa for his loss at the Australian Open, and mostly the complaining about the conditions that lead to his exit.
Having not seen one second of the Tennis, we can’t comment, but accept the nomination anyway.
Angry man Keith.
ON NOTICE
Kalyn Ponga – showing great early signs of stepping up to the standard of fellow Rugby League jerks like Jarryd Hayne. His backflip intoa pool from a roof is harmless now, but the potential for more is tantalising.
Donald Trump – who really only has to breath to get close to monthly nomination.
My Kitchen Rules Contestants – The Cook then Cry About It phenomenon is about to start, and no doubt there will be the usual pigeon holed personalities that producers crave. Surely one of these will take the Jerk work to the next level and feature in February’s nominations. Won’t rule out Chefs either.
Margaret Court – at it again with comments about Euthanasia. Could be a vintage year for Jerks if these people are getting warmed up already.
VOTE NOW FOR JERK OF THE MONTH
As with any Jerk of the Month poll, you’re vote counts, and you can vote for as many Jerks as you think deserve it.
