Football is coming Thicke and fast now and so are our EPL Matchday 34 Predictions.
With time running out to provide our tips before the first game actually kicks off, we’d better get straight into it.
Each week we put our tips up against an opponent, just like Lawro’s tips on the BBC Football website. But instead of having famous comedian and musicians we’ve never heard of, we put our tips up against a different type of opponent.
We determine tips based on some ridiculous premise or statistic, and we then see if arse truly beat class.
We are really starting to run out of ideas, but thankfully there’s only a few weeks left, and we came up with a decent idea.
On the back of doing tips based on titles won last time out, we think why not do it based on relegations since that battle is ongoing in the EPL. It includes relegations between all divisions, as contrary to popular belief, Football started well before the EPL started.
The fewer the relegations, the more likely to win we say. Read on you wanted to check our EPL Matchday 24 and if fewer relegations equals more wins.
The Gurgler’s EPL Matchday 34 Predictions
DRAW – West Ham v Everton
DRAW – Bournemouth v Middlesbrough
HULL to beat Watford
DRAW – Swansea v Stoke
DRAW – Burnley v Manchester Utd
LIVERPOOL to beat Crystal Palace
CHELSEA to beat Southampton
ARSENAL to beat Leicester
DRAW – Middlesbrough v Sunderland
CRYSTAL PALACE to beat Spurs
DRAW – Manchester City v Manchester Utd
EPL Matchday 34 Predictions from fewest relegations
Relegations in brackets – includes all four divisions and pre EPL.
EVERTON (2) to beat West Ham (6)
BOURNEMOUTH (5) to beat Middlesbrough (1o)
WATFORD (7) to beat Hull (10)
SWANSEA (9) to beat Stoke (10)
MANCHESTER UTD (4) to beat Burnley (11)
LIVERPOOL (2) to beat Crystal Palace (9)
SOUTHAMPTON (5) to beat Chelsea (6)
ARSENAL (1) to beat Leicester (12)
SUNDERLAND (9) to beat Middlesbrough (10)
SPURS (4) to beat Crystal Palace (9)
MANCHESTER UTD (4) to beat Manchester City (12)
Above stats from www.myfootballfacts.com
PREVIOUS RESULTS
Currently we are better than our opponents, only just. We got to the magical 50% correct mark last weekend, great for us.
THE GURGLER RESULTS
Total – 143 / 290 (only started Match Day 6 – includes FA Cup Rd 3)
Average – 4.9 / 10
Best: 8/10 (1) – Worst 2/10 (1) – Last Time – 5/10
OPPONENT’S RESULTS
Total – 122 / 290
Average – 4.2 / 10
3 Year Old – 6/10
7 Month Old – 3/10
Pack of Cards – 3/10
The Dog – 2/10
Cars that drove past – 5/10
Frankington Stanley 2/10
Scrabble – 5/10
Alphabetical Order – 4/10
Colour of Kits – 5/10
Person in City/Town per Points – 7/10
Team Nicknames – 4/10
British Train Stations – 6/10
Team Abbreviations – Results Pending – 3 / 10
Famous Faces – 6/10
Last 6 Form (for FA Cup) – 16/32
The Sack Race – 5 / 10
Hours of UK Sunshine – 4/10
FA Cup Form – 3/10
Vowels – 0/10
Excel – 6 / 10
Crime – 1 / 8
Yellow Cards – 6 / 10
Postcodes – 3 / 10
House Values– 3/10
Midweek Form – 3/10
Most Titles Won 6 / 10
