As December 25 draws nearer, people are chasing Christmas Items all over their respective cities. On the look out for the biggest and best new gift for their loved ones. Even at 2am in some large shopping centres. Madness.
But it’s not always the big ticket items that people need around this time of the year. There are a heap of Christmas Items that seem to be only searched for and used this time.
So below are our favourite six Christmas Items that seem rather useless and/or very unpopular straight after Christmas.
Some of them are pretty lame, and the rest are even worse. But it’s solid gold filler, just like a lot of the gifts given this time of the year.
Please accept our favourite six Christmas Items that are reasonably useless at any other time of the year.
COPHA
Is there a more vital ingredient to the great White Christmas or Chocolate Crackle than Copha. Afterwards, is there a more useless ingredient in the household.
Alongside Chinese Five Spice, Jasmine Rice and Keen’s Mustard powder, the block of Copha is one thing that many wonder what on earth they are doing in the pantry/fridge year after year.
Once the Christmas treats go out, there’s not much left for Copha to do, except sit in the fridge and accumulate in value.
MICHAEL BUBLE / MARIAH CAREY / ANY CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS ALBUM
The smooth sounds of Michael Buble are pretty inoffensive at the best of times, and around Christmas is fast becoming a standard high rotation music selection.
Outside of the yuletide, Buble CDs go into hiding, having served their purpose for the year.
Could be worse, Mariah Carey only has one Christmas song, and expect it to be played within an inch of your life.
And while we’re at it, celebrity Christmas album is the worse case of selling out since the A List get as pretentious as possible selling fragrances. Like they need the money.
BEING NICE TO PEOPLE
Christmas does funny things to people. For 360 odd days a year, most people can be arseholes.
Come Christmas there’s umpteen handshakes, well wishes and Christmas blessing thrown around. Usually from the same people who were pricks for the entire year up until December 24.
One wonders if the Christmas spirit could be extended into the rest of the year, but sadly it goes the way of Copha.
DRINKING BEFORE MIDDAY
Drinking before midday is not something you’d want to do every day. In fact, on any day other than Christmas Day you’d look like an above the top shelf alcoholic.
But for some reason, the early-ish consumption of alcohol is overlooked at Christmas. Maybe because standards are dropped, or so many are going to functions where drinking is mandatory to endure the entire ordeal. Or maybe the whole day revolves around a big fat bearded man and a deer with a red nose, a combination of which you become later in the night if you are still going on the (Ian) Turps come 10pm.
500% DAILY KJ INTAKE
Similarly to pre midday drinking, Christmas is a great time for excess. No other time of the year allows for such extravagance or leeway. Only at Christmas time can you eat three of the biggest meals of your life and not be called a fat f***.
Be it Turkey, the Copha of Christmas meat, which is another thing that only seems to appear and be popular in late December. Or one of the 8 desserts that have been assembled to devour after lunch is slightly settled.
We’d like to see the big man from Man v Food attack a Christmas eating challenge, where he attempts to get through both divorced parents Christmas lunches back to back.
YACHTING
More of a Boxing Day thing than Christmas but many tune into the Sydney to Hobart on the day after Christmas. Most if not all are in it for the spectacle of the yachts leaving Sydney Harbour, which is a great thing. But as soon as the first few vessels clear the South Head the usual care factors default sets in. And yachting returns to being the plaything for stuffy, very rich people and celebrities that normal people don’t give a f*** about.
If you are interested, we assembled a vital what you need to know about the Sydney to Hobart a few years back.
