So we’ve made it to another year. Some people make new year’s resolutions, often a lot of them broken already, some barely see the sunrise of January 1. We at The Gurgler aren’t even motivated enough to create a resolution that we could ignore.
Instead we’re providing lists of certain things we’d love to see during the new year. Most if not all probably won’t happen, but you can only dream.
First up is our wishlist of politics. We’ll deliver our 2014 wishes on Sport, Entertainment, and other things soon. One at a time.
POLITICS WISHLIST
By Patrick Heisenberg.
2013 was a year of change in Australian Federal politics, and with no election planned for this year or for a while yet you would think there’s not much for us to wish for. Well, it is politics anyway, how boring, and what could you possibly wish for.
Well for starters, the talk of a possible double dissolution election gets The Gurgler very excited, waiting with anticipation to launch our election tipping game. The potential for plenty of Antony Green also gets the inner nerd fired up.
2013 did provide some of the most surprising members of parliament and senate parties in Australian Political History.
If we are lucky enough to get another election this year and since the Labor party are so far behind and need to make up the seats, The Gurgler provides a list of potential new members of parliament for Labor to challenge the government and provide as much entertainment as Mr Palmer.
NEW CANDIDATES
MAC TONIGHT
Since the departure of Peter Garrett from the ALP they’ve needed another entertainer to bring some oomph into the party room. Who better than late night food peddling musician. Long nights in the party room will be no problem and members will be well fed. Potential for Education portfolio given how much McDonalds speaks to the kids. Happy Meals for all.
GUY FROM I-SELECT AD
With all the budget cuts needed in the post Gillard-Rudd axis, who better to save money from the budget especially in the health department. Potential new Health minister.
TOM PIOTROWSKI
Who better to take the reins as the new ALP Treasurer than Tom. See also: Robert Gottliebsen, Bernie Fraser if Tom’s not available.
CHAIRMAN KAGA from Iron Chef
If ALP win they’ll need to supply the speaker of the house. Who better to have in that role than the chairman. He could unveil each new law to be discussed with his usual flair and give Australian politics the pizazz it sorely needs. Order In The House ratings would soar. If that show is still on. If not it should be, with Kaga only.
RICHARD WILKINS
Former Keynotes host would be perfect Foreign Minister given his experience with celebrities all around the world. What world problems couldn’t be solved with a little Dicky Wilkins. The Republic of Buble would certainly toe the line.
THE ABC TRAFFIC GUY BRAD
Easy going, loved by all. Eloquent. A man to rely upon with traffic reports. Perfect front man for the infrastructure brief.
MARK WEBBER
Anyone who can survive the politics of F1 Racing and Red Bull will find federal politics a breeze. Sports Minister.
WARWICK CAPPER
Why not? If the Sunshine Coast could find themselves voting in Clive Palmer, surely the Gold Coast could see their way in giving the great man a nod for Canberra. Surely, parliament is big enough to have another larger than life figure too.
See also: BILLY J SMITH, BILLY BIRMINGHAM, AL from ALTEC and JOHN DEEKES.
NEW SENATE PARTIES
Since the Motoring Enthusiasts party got in at the last election we thought we’d suggest some more worthy entrants for your consideration and vote at the next tip off.
RACEHORSE OWNERS PARTY
DOGWALKERS AUSTRALIA PARTY
ANYONE WHO HAS BOUGHT A JEEP PARTY
HOLLYWOOD REPORTERS PARTY
VIENETTA APPRECIATION PARTY
ILLEGAL DOWNLOADERS PARTY
ALL YOU CAN EAT PARTY
NEW LAWS
In Queensland the LNP have cracked down on Bikie gangs with some new laws and powers to halt the problem. We think – why stop there? Please accept our list of other things ready for the Newman clampdown.
Minimum 5 years for People who fail to indicate when turning left.
Minimum 5 years for People who don’t say thanks when someone is courteous to them.
2 years without parole for anyone who is a complete douche and won’t take their feet off public transport.
10 years for anyone who has bought a jeep.
1 year for anyone thinking about it.
Same level of non congregating Bikie laws for magicians, circus performers and Rugby Union players.
Hope you’ve enjoyed our take on 2014 politics, check out our Sport wishlist next.
