A new NRL season awaits, with so many great stories yet to be told, and like any new season we look into our crystal ball and offer up some opinion, left field thoughts, and far out forecasts with our Bold 2024 NRL Season Predictions.
The Gurgler likes to throw their predictions at any old sport and we especially like rugby league so if it’s good enough for most respectable sporting news outlets and News Ltd, it’s good enough for us.
So, prepare yourself for some quick time travel and take a quick look into the future with our Bold 2024 NRL Season Predictions.
Bold 2024 NRL Season Predictions
BRONCOS TO MISS THE TOP FOUR, AT LEAST
The Broncos surprised quite a few with their 2023 season, coming with 20 minutes of an unlikely dynasty-breaking premiership. Our bold prediction is they will miss the top four this season as the flow on effects from that disappointment continue, plus the drop off of Reece Walsh as per our Reasons Why Your NRL Team Can’t Win the Premiership.
Things like the recent footage of Adam Reynolds and Patrick Carrigan giving each other a Kallangur cuddle, the loss of some key players from 20234 and Reece Walsh in general will create an atmosphere that leads to the team going backwards.
Of course, they will have enough talent and home games on a Thursday/Friday night to make the top eight, but have enough starts for Origin to further derail the season and they will not be in the sharp end come September.
CROSS TOWN RIVALS DOLPHINS TO MAKE TOP EIGHT, SET UP FINALS MATCH AT SUNCORP TO THE EXPLOSION OF INTEREST IN BRISBANE
The Broncos missing the top four is a good thing for rugby league, as the Broncos cross town rivals Dolphins look set to make a big improvement this season, ironically on the back of taking two of Brisbane’s better players.
Our bold prediction is that the Dolphins will sneak into seventh or eighth, and that the Broncos will finish in a position which matches them up with the Dolphins for the first week of the finals, sending Brisbane and rugby league media into overdrive.
Our crystal ball only covers the regular season, so we can’t tell you who wins that finals game.
SOUTH SYDNEY FULLY IMPLODE, FINISH OUTSIDE THE EIGHT AGAIN AND SAM BURGESS RETURNS TO COACH AFTER WINNING THE CHALLENGE CUP
South Sydney dropping out of the finals race was disappointing after years of preliminary finals attendance. But it was the manner of it that is most concerning, especially with rumours of player unrest, and Sam Burgess bailing with a few things on his mind.
So, the addition of a great off field leader is a great idea for the Rabbitohs for 2024. Sadly, they went with Jack Wighton, who may have plenty to offer on field, but is hardly the type to calm down a club with alleged issues.
The sad injury to Campbell Graham at least eases one of the issues of Wighton’s arrivals, meaning one quality back from 2023 would have to vacate their spot, but it may still not be enough.
A few early losses will set the scene, and eventually lead to fully blown Tiger’s style crisis which will see the current coach Jason Demetriou being the fall guy.
The club will send out the SOS to the UK for Sam Burgess for 2025 onwards, fresh from his success in the Challenge Cup with Warrington.
DOM YOUNG TO SCORE 30+ TRIES AT THE ROOSTERS
Dom Young has been a great addition to the NRL, and kudos to the Newcastle Knights for taking the slight risk on bringing him over from the UK.
Of course, success for the Knights was the best way to somehow get squeezed under the Roosters salary sombrero, and we think it will work out quite nicely for Young and the Roosters.
With James Tedesco back to his best form, and playing alongside a star-studded backline, Young will be the main recipient with many doubles and occasional hattricks of tries. We think it will be more than 30 by the time the season is over.
BRAD ARTHUR WILL BE FIRST NRL COACH SACKED
Parramatta fans were disappointed that their side missed the top eight in 2023, so the pressure is on early to be right on the pace for 2024.
Sadly, our crystal ball sees a slow start for the Eels, which compounds last season’s disappointment into current season anger, and the level of expectation leads to Brad Arthur being the first casualty of the coaching sacking season.
BULLDOGS TO MISS THE TOP EIGHT ON POINTS DIFFERENCE. PHIL GOULD TO MEET WITH MANY MORE PEOPLE IN THAT CHINESE RESTAURANT. BULLDOGS MOVE ACADEMY CLOSER TO PENRITH TO SAVE TIME
Many people predicted the Bulldogs to make the top eight in 2023 on the back of some great signings. We can’t remember if our 2023 Bold NRL Predictions made the same claim, but in case we did we’re not going to check.
But our 2024 Bold NRL prediction is seeing an improvement for the Bulldogs in 2024, just not enough for a finals appearance. This season.
The combination of former Penrith administrator, former Penrith coach, and former Penrith players will eventually gel as a second half of the season charge just fails to get them over the line.
Talking of ex Penrith players and lines, the Bulldogs will also announce a new academy closer to Penrith to save them time and money for future seasons in stealing Panthers talent.
Of course any negotiating will be done in that Chinese Restaurant that Gus Gould likes to go to and Fox League writers also seem to hang out at. Probably at the request of Buzz Rothfield. Who is a d!ck.
MELBOURNE STORM FORM SO BAD AT THE START OF THE SEASON THAT THEY SIT OUTSIDE THE TOP EIGHT FOR A FEW WEEKS AND NEED A LOCAL GLAZIER TO FIX THE COACH’S BOX GLASS THREE TIMES BEFORE MAY
The Storm play three of the top four from 2023, plus the Roosters by Round 7, in a tough start to the season. Which leads our crystal ball to see a tough start to the season for Melbourne, and Storm assistant coaches, players and local glaziers.
Craig Bellamy is not one to accept mediocrity at most times, and this slow start to the 2024 will see him reach Icelandic Volcano levels of anger.
Eventually things will come good, and players WAGS feel safe enough to return to home games again, and the Storm will continue their robotic record of top eight finishes. Or will they?
READ MORE – 2024 NRL Draw Analysis
READ MORE – Round 1 Analysis
NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS TO MAKE THE TOP EIGHT AGAIN, AND FINISH FIRST FOR JERSEY SALES
The New Zealand Warriors were one of the feel good stories of the NRL in 2023, and we see some continuation of success, although the crystal ball is a little hazy over whether it will be a top four or eight finish this season.
But the Warriors appears to have celebrated their 2023 season with a bunch of magnificent jerseys on offer in 2024. Most of which will probably be snapped up before the season starts.
Soon episodes of Police Ten-7 will feature every third onlooker in some kind of official Warriors attire.
RICKY STUART TO BE FINED THREE TIMES FOR 2024 PRESS CONFERENCES. BECOMES TIKTOK SENSATION AFTER ONE PARTICULAR SPRAY.
Canberra Raiders are widely tipped to be one of the teams to drop out of the top eight from 2023. We aren’t saying that because we are scared of Ricky Stuart. Who wouldn’t be.
That scariness will continue into 2024 as Ricky Stuart becomes more and more frustrated at the near certainty of bad refereeing calls that will go against them.
Which of course will lead to blockbuster press conferences, where no one will be safe. Referees, former players, dogs will all have their tails between their legs. Press meanwhile will be rubbing their hands at the content.
Spurred on by website hits, Ricky Stuart will eventually go into Geoff Toovey mode and be on the end of three $10K fines in two months during the winter.
The last of which will be almost The Wire-like levels of Shakespearean swearing, but in a rhythm that sees a local Tik-Tokker turn it into some kind of Skip Hop tune. Stuart will go viral just before it is mentioned about getting the sack, and without Paul Kent on NRL360 to defend him, he succumbs to social media and goes full influencer and quits the Raiders head coaching gig.
PETER V’LANDYS CONTINUES TO SHAKE UP THE NRL WITH…..
INTERVENES WITH THREE DIFFERENT RULE INTERPRETATIONS BY ROUND 18.
Our crystal ball may be good enough to foresee multiple rule interpretations coming onboard throughout the 2024 NRL season, but sadly it isn’t quite good enough to work out which rule he will want to change.
WHICH LEADS TO BUNKER BEING ABANDONED FOR ONLY CAPTAIN’S CHALLENGES
But soon enough into the season Peter V’landys will tire of the NRL Bunker being one of the talking points every Monday and will strip them on proactive match officiating and relegate them to running just the captain’s challenges. Which will increase to three in the change but remove the NRL Bunker ruling on anything that isn’t part of a Captain’s Challenge. And it will be three only, not carried on if correct.
MAKES CASE FOR PERTH AS 19th NRL TEAMS BECAUSE THEY HAVE OVER 500,000 FANS.
Peter V’landys aka The Man of Feathers, set the rugby league tongues wagging when he hinted that the North Sydney Bears were a chance at the new NRL franchise off the back of having 200K fans around the world.
But during 2024 he will use the same mathematics to work out that a Perth bid has even more fans at 500K. This will lead him to dump the Bears, or insist that they join forces for a new NRL team bid to secure the 700K and more potential fans.
ANNOUNCES THE 2025 MAGIC ROUND WILL BE IN THE USA AS FOUR DOUBLE HEADERS
On the back of the success of the Las Vegas round (we presume), Peter V’landys will announce that the Magic Round will be moving to the USA for 2025, with four days of rugby league US style featuring two games each in two different cities. V’landys will announce Las Vegas, New York, somewhere in Texas and Los Angeles as the four venues of choice.
ANNOUNCES STANDALONE ORIGIN
And finally Peter V’landys will give into some of the fans wishes and announce that the NRL will have a standalone Origin series in 2025. His main comment will be that he and the fans of the NRL being a second rate competition for eight weeks because of just three games.
ANDREW ABDO COMPLIMENTS DYLAN EDWARDS ON HIS 324 LINE BREAKS, 98 TRY ASSISTS AND 630 HIT UPS IN SPECIAL PRESENTATION BEFORE FINALS SERIES
Andrew Abdo is a stats man, can’t deny it. His knowledge of the game is so good his stats baffle even the player who he is talking about.
So in a late season game at Penrith Stadium the NRL CEO will once again amaze the crowd with his stats knowledge and present a special NRL Stats Hero medal to Dylan Edwards, along with a mention of some of his best work for the 2024 season so far.
AN EARLY SEASON HOME GAME FOR NORTH QUEENSLAND IS MOVED TO A TUESDAY NIGHT BECAUSE OF A CYCLONE
With an already busy cyclone season, the traditional early Autumn season of cyclones in North Queensland will strike rugby league down in Townsville for one home game.
Glancing down the list of cyclone names to come, we like the simple sound of Cyclone Paul. And Paul will cross the Townsville coast sometime during April but close enough for a home game to be postponed until they can get the power back on.
That won’t be until a Tuesday night, but with the travelling team stuck they decide to hang around and play the game on a Tuesday night. Providing a welcome distraction of midweek rugby league for all.
WHICH LEADS PVL TO ANNOUNCE THE RETURN OF THE MIDWEEK COMPETITION
Taking the imitative as Peter V’landys always does, he takes the one-off midweek boom of the shifted North Queensland game to announce a new midweek knockout competition.
Played over the new standalone Origin period, the competition will feature all 17 NRL Sides and enough Qld and NSW Cup teams and other states regions to make up a 32 teams competition with five rounds.
Despite player complaints, the clubs will amply compensated after the NRL negotiate a separate TV deal worth way too much money.
NRL ANNOUNCE PNG AS THE NEW NRL TEAM IN SEPTEMBER ON PNG INDEPENDENCE DAY. WAYNE BENNETT TO COACH.
Although the PNG NRL team becoming the 18th NRL club is hardly a bold prediction based on the reports in the media, our specific bold prediction is the date of the announcement and the head coach.
Our crystal ball sees Albo in Port Moresby in September to announce the new team on PNG independence day. Wayne Bennett will be there too, named as the new head coach, following on from brother Bob who was the national coach there in the past.
PAUL KENT TO MAKE SURPRISE RETURN TO TV AS A LATE NIGHT HOST ON SKY NEWS
Paul Kent was plenty unpopular with rugby league fans before his legal troubles saw him removed off Fox League’s airwaves, and that particular channel’s level of hatred has reduced by 12% since.
But while pissing good rugby league folk and legal troubles are a problem for Fox League fans, News Ltd work out he will be perfect to fill a new late-night slot on Sky News.
We are unsure of the timeslot or working title, but presume it will be late, taking over the slot currently taken from Sky News UK. As for Working Title we submitted our suggestion of “I’m a Real Kent” to Sky News but are yet to hear back.
JAROME LUAI CALLS OUT REECE WALSH FOR A FIGHT ON THE UNDERCARD OF WHOEVER TEVITA PANGAI MANAGES TO CONVINCE TO FIGHT. REECE WALSH DECLINES.
Two of rugby league’s most polarising characters, which is the nice way of putting two of rugby league’s most disliked players, will clash massively after their Round Three clash.
This will lead to a lot of pushing and shoving during the game, and in an unprecedented yet exciting step, Jarome Luai will use the post-match live cross to call out Reece Walsh to a fight in the boxing ring.
One thing will lead to another and Tevita Pangai’s people will step in with a huge offer to be on the undercard of one of his fights.
After a month of solid build up and overhyping courtesy of the Fox League writers, Reece Walsh will go mysteriously quiet, and the fight will be politely declined.
Bold 2024 NRL Season Predictions Final Table
Since we’ve made a bunch of bold predictions for the 2024 NRL season, why not try and guess the table in order.
PENRITH PANTHERS
SYDNEY ROOSTERS
MANLY SEA EAGLES
NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS
MELBOURNE STORM
BRISBANE BRONCOS
DOLPHINS
NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS
CANTERBURY BULLDOGS
GOLD COAST TITANS
PARRAMATTA EELS
CRONULLA SHARKS
NORTH QLD COWBOYS
WESTS TIGERS
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS
CANBERRA RAIDERS
ST GEORGE ILLWARRA DRAGONS
2024 NEW SIGNINGS BEST/BLURST
BEST NEW SIGNINGS
Dom Young – Roosters
Spencer Leniu – Roosters
Herbie Farnworth – Dolphins
Justin Olam – Wests Tigers
Shawn Blore – Melbourne Storm
Zac Hoskings – Canberra Raiders
Connor Treacy – Bulldogs
Sean Keppie – South Sydney Rabbitohs
Kai Pearce-Paul – Newcastle Knights
Tom Jenkins – Newcastle Knights
WORST NEW SIGNINGS
Jack Wighton – South Sydney Rabbitohs
Morgan Harper – Parramatta Eels
Kyle Flanagan – St George Illawarra Dragons
Shane Flanagan – St George Illawarra Dragons
